that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
