you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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