The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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