I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
