Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
