Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
