you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
