i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
