Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
