you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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