So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the night ended with taco bell and tears
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
