Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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