this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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