question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
