i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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