the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
