we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize