You smell like a Billy Joel song
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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