Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?