I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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