look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
