He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize