I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
