She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
