I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
