ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
time to smoke my breakfast
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
