before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
