Ketchup is God's man juice
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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