She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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