The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
