Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize