I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
