Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
