That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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