im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
