Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
