Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
