do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
