At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think i have two assholes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dicks are not precious.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
