Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
