The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
