wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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