I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
