I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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