Moan for me like Helen Keller
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
