Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize