I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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