I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
