I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I deserve this hangover.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
