Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
