guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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