I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize