Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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