Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
