we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
