You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
