two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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