I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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