i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
