we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver just had a heart attack.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
